Category: humour

A day in the life ..

Was today typical?

Diary entry July 28

Early start at 4:30 am. Text group leader that I’m in for today’s jump. Feeling groggy but the coffee helps. Check the pack from last night. Yes, everything here except the unnecessary. Take emergency kit with protein drink and electrolytes separately. Yes, I’ve double checked. All here. Doing a fry up. Nothing like a cooked breakfast. Best preparation but have a sinking feeling most of this ends up in the paper bag at 10 thousand feet. Checking text memo from group leader. Great, all’s clear. Jump’s on. Weather good for plane. Just a south easterly picking up mid arvo. Extra details on check list – mm, seems all here. Oh, what’s this written at the bottom?

’At the time of arrival core needs must be met. This includes anything outside requisite procedure.’

No stress. No chances taken. Nothing left to chance. Just jump. Yes, this is it! Right, shower and change. Don’t forget the lucky necklace. Keys, right. Now, make sure everything’s switched off inside. Place pack next to medical kit on back seat. Must get to airfield before dawn.

Just another typical day (I wish).

In the money

If you could be someone else for a day, who would you be, and why?

I could choose to be rich. Having a couple of million bucks wouldn’t be so bad would it? Maybe shove some in a safe if needs be, just in case you need to access a stash. Hey, there’s nothing like instant gratification on a limitless basis. You’re in the money. You’ve won the lotto. Wahhhh, yeahhh!! Stick the bills, they suck anyway!

Go book a holiday. Maybe a cruise somewhere. That should be fun. But where? Maybe I’ll think about it later. Mmm, and with all this moolah I can settle my debts and fix numerous pending issues. But they’re not important anymore because I can pay them out – pay anyone out. Yippee!

Yes, I have a conscience. Why should I feel guilty (sitting around while everyone’s working away)? I can surely help my immediate loved ones and give them something. Be charitable. Hey, plenty to go around. Then again, I should count it up or get a finance adviser or some such. Bonds and securities – that sort of thing. Diverse portfolio. Invest and offset the tax. Yep, they’ll tell me what to do. Why worry about it? It’s just money and with enough of it the compound interest is incredible. Wowwwwwww!! Like a bloody mushrooming cloud. Booooommm!I wish..

Paying attention

What details of your life could you pay more attention to?

My whole life needs attention. Sometimes I wonder if I actually appreciate what it means to pay attention let alone the details of my life that need attending. I can stand to attention but seem to fail to pay attention. Well, sometimes. Sometimes I have no choice but attend my daily needs and then wonder if I can attend to ambiguous fantasies and futile ambitions. Stuff like that. Hey, I couldn’t even recognise valuable distraction, forbidden temptations, impossible dreams. Maybe I should pay attention to dreams. Strange, I can’t remember them. What good is that? Maybe I’m actually living backwoods. Like starting from the end and going through to the beginning. Am I mad? 😀

Be yourself

How would you describe yourself to someone who can’t see you?

In my youth I saw myself as kind of average – well yes, my physicality and stature but I would like to see myself as someone healthy in regard to my fitness and slimness. But that isn’t anything necessarily vain because a positive focus on oneself is considered normal.

But wait, a stranger cannot immediately ‘see’ you in the sense that they cannot fully appreciate you at first glance unless, of course, they have special powers. So I might be described as having authentic attributes averaging out my personality profile by way of weighing up the good and bad. The intention here is to appear as normal as possible and not to exhibit too many eccentricities. Of course, as one ages, abnormalities and physical anomalies become accentuated. This may be a reason older individuals seem to convey regular, moderated communication so as to 1/ convey a general neutrality 2/ offset misunderstanding or 3/ underplay perceived threats due to increasingly strange and individualised appearance. Or maybe they just get older and wiser. After all, why provoke somebody brandishing a weapon simply because you look increasingly strange? (Wha?!)

In an effort to appear too normal you could inadvertently describe yourself as a mannequin in a shop window or as dull as a plank of wood all the while thinking this as actually interesting.

Perhaps best be yourself or you may not appear so.